Mortifying Mom

My mother is excellent at entertaining guests, a gifted decorator, talented painter and admirable piano player. She would have thrived in the Victorian era. True to that period, she is also very prim. And because she is ladylike, it makes it extra funny when she finds herself in awkward situations. For someone who doesn’t like to embarrass herself she finds herself in some real predicaments. Two little gems come to mind, that are too good not to share. (And thank you mom for granting permission.)

My mother was shopping at a department store to find a gift for a bridal shower. Of course, liking to purchase memorable keepsakes she was scouring the registry to see what she’d like to buy. She had decided to purchase a requested platter to match the china ware, when a sales clerk approached her asking her if she’d like some help. Without looking up, my mother found the name of the pattern to tell the woman what she was hoping to find. The sales clerk then lead her to the area of the specified dish as my mother read more information from the sheet out loud to search out the desired item. Next both of them were searching through boxes stacked with patterned dishes to obtain the right one, when the sales clerk found and began to retrieve the right platter. In my mother’s excitement she exclaimed “Good Eye!” and finally looked at the woman in the face to discover she only had one eye. And then, neither of them saying another word, my mother followed her to the checkout counter to pay for the dish.  After the transaction my mother mustered the courage to thank the sales clerk, and left with her purchase in total humiliation. Classic.

My mother’s parents spent the winter in Florida. So when they came home during the spring and summer months spending time with them was treasured. One of their simplest and favored pastimes was ‘garage-sale-ing.’ They enjoyed picking up some lunch and driving around the countryside to find independent sales to look for wares. One sunny afternoon my mother joined them on their excursion, and they found a garage sale with a lawn full of tables that seemed bustling; indicating that there were probably many and possibly good items to be had. To make for an easy exit, my grandfather parked on the other side of the street. My mother got out of the van on the passenger side and went around to the front of the vehicle to check for traffic before she crossed. She noticed that there were some cars coming in the distance but figured she had enough time to pass. As she darted out she caught her foot, tripped and fell flat on her stomach. Stunned but obviously aware of her surroundings she looked up again to gauge the approaching traffic. Determining she didn’t have the time to get up, she surmised that her only option was to roll. And so she rolled across the pavement and onto the lawn of the transpiring sale. Unable to express any embarrassment she began to browse the merchandise like nothing had happened. Priceless.


Comments are closed.