When it seems like it’s everybody else… it must be me.

I do realize I have created my own situation. I’m coming to terms with it. I’m nuts!

My kitchen island light burned out last week. We smelled something burning and the light didn’t turn on… it was over. Which is fine because I never liked having Kmart-ish fluorescent bulbs over my kitchen island anyway. The problem lies in finding time to shop for a new fixture- but, even more-so, when the time permits, making decisions… alone. First things first. The kids are starting school. As much as I try, I’m really not good at organizing- not really. I remember meeting at a coffee shop last year with a few room moms to plan an elementary school party when they were talking about the difficulty of balancing it all… I made a random (true) statement about just being glad my kids had their snacks in their backpacks. I’m not exaggerating when I say I got a couple side looks and a full blank stare into my eyes. (This is why I shouldn’t volunteer for anything. On top of being erratic, I really am an introvert, and like to avoid this kind of stuff at all costs.) I was serious. In seven years, and with three of my four children enrolled in public school, I may have forgotten a snack twice. That doesn’t nullify the fact that it feels like an accomplishment every time it makes it into the backpack. My life gets hectic. There are definitely those mornings when I haven’t grocery shopped in close to two weeks and I feel like a genius that I remember we have half of a sleeve of Ritz crackers in the pantry and I find a bag of microwave popcorn I can nuke. Success. 

But whatever. Right now, I need to buy a light, and I don’t want to do it by myself. I need someone to bounce my thoughts off of! I am a person who prefers not to socialize, who can’t make a decision by myself. What?! I’m ridiculous! My husband really doesn’t care what I buy. Scheduling time with him after work with the kids’ sports schedules is nearly impossible anyway. My mom has been up north at their cabin literally all summer. She is my “go to”. That is the drawback with placing myself in solitary confinement. When your only friend is away… (big, deep, sad breath). The truth is I really detest asking people for favors. Loathe. Which is why I bring all four children to my son’s orthodontist appointment; I sit in the lobby with three children and occasionally walk back to check on him. I take all four of my kids to my baby’s physical and we cram in a tiny pediatric examination room. Is it convenient? Not at all. It is what it is, and what I have made it. In fact, I thought of a great book title for myself, considering I’m a little kooky (and I’m doing this Paleo/low carb diet thing again), “If You Are What You Eat, Then I’m a Nut.” Good right? Very Erma Bombeck. 

Let me shed some more light on my situation. (Pun intended… so clever.) I haven’t seen my high school best friend in like 3 years. No wait, we ran into her at the hospital last year. Regardless, I still consider her one of my best friends. If she needed me to pick her up from an abandoned warehouse in Detroit at 2 am I would tell her “I’m on my way.” I love her wholly. We are friends on Facebook, and I know what her children look like. We text on birthdays… I would still ask her to be my bridesmaid (like she was 17 years ago.) We just never see each other.

It’s the same thing with my best friend from college. I’m crazy about her. Last year, I moved about 20 minutes away from her. She came to my house shortly after we moved in, and we have met once for dinner since; which, considering we have gone years practically without contact let alone a visit, is pretty good. I love her being and her family and her company… I know she feels the same way about me. Which is perfect and enough. Our plans for last Friday went something like this: On Monday we texted how much we missed each other and how we have to get together. It resulted in arrangements that she would let me know where her daughter would be cheering on Friday, so my family could come to watch. Then we would all go out for ice cream or something afterwards. On the following Saturday, I texted her to sarcastically thank her for the non-existent forwarded information. To which I acknowledged that I was not at all upset (or surprised) over and even slightly grateful for, because I am anti-social. It might sound pathetic, but it works for us.

So, back to the light. At this point making dinner has worked out okay because we still have daylight at night. But packing lunches in the morning by the recessed light over the kitchen sink and candlelight is getting annoying. Alright I haven’t lit a candle yet, but it’s possible I yelled at the kids not to shut the refrigerator door because I needed the phosphorescent. Maybe shopping is not difficult for some people. Certainly, now that most of my kids are back in school, it should be easier. No. Labor Day weekend was filled with closet organization for all of my kids, weeding the front yard, attaining last minute school supplies and a mandatory pool party on the holiday itself. (I didn’t want my kids to think summer was all work.) My daughter started gymnastics after school on Tuesday. I began pre-school at home with my youngest child. We are in the process of selling a house- which has required paperwork and phone calls… on top of the bills to send out at the beginning of the month. On Thursday, my son had a follow-up pediatric appointment (which we attended with just the two of us, YAY!) and started soccer. This week, I’ve been attempting healthy dinners every night to nourish my little learners. Also, I started this stupid diet, and I battled a sugar withdrawal headache for two days. (Don’t mind me I’m hangry for carbs.) Who has time to read their own books, or write, or blog, or shop for a light?

But the light fixture is a must. I know I can’t avoid it, and really don’t want to eat in the dark this winter. So, who else can I ask? For my self-imposed situation, that leaves my sister. I love my sister as much as any human can love another. She is the best. She’s solid. She also has great ideas and style. She is very dependable… and the worst person for me to ask a favor. I’ll explain. She would do anything for anybody she loves, and even strangers. She stretches herself so thin and to the point of exhaustion so much for others that I rarely can muster the nerve to ask her to do anything. In addition, making plans with my sister is an Erma Bombeck story. We’re both kind of nuts. (Sorry Ray.) For example, on Labor Day we are at her house for a pool party. In between watching the kids swim, splash, eat, etc., we make small talk about how we’re going to start walking when the kids go back to school. She wants to start right away, and I mention that I really need to shop for a new kitchen island light. I (reluctantly) share that I could use her help making a decision… we end up scheduling for Friday. There’s a major heat wave so I bail on walking- besides I’m busy. On Thursday night, I send her some ideas of fixtures I’m looking at on-line, and the different reasons I like them. I’m already sending anxious vibes about not knowing what lighting store to go to. (I’m also trying to think about how I need to pack myself and the four kids for our weekend trip. I see the stack of dishes from dinner that I know I need to clean up before we head out. I’m thinking about the Costco sized bags of stinking chicken breasts and frozen broccoli etc., that are going to be rotting in our garbage cans while we’re gone since the refrigerator in the garage quit working; When? I don’t know, but I found it yesterday. I start to question the idea of something wrong with our electric system since the kitchen light was fried and the refrigerator went kaput?) On Friday morning, my sister sends me a text asking if we’re still going. (She knows me so well.) She also mentions that she’s babysitting in the middle of the day during a lunch hour. She adds that she needs to let the neighbor’s dog out before we leave; that she has to drop off a prescription for her brother-in-law’s mother-in-law’s friend; that she promised to pick up some dry cleaning for an elderly lady she met at the grocery store; and, that she has committed to taking homemade organic nut and gluten free granola bars (which will need a quick 15-20 minutes in the oven) to the PTO meeting after school. She remains hopeful, but I know full-well that when she leaves that PTO meeting, she will no-doubtedly be late to her son’s football game- since she has also promised to water her out-of-town pastor’s family’s flowers before sundown. I add that I just got a text from my middle schooler saying he forgot his poster board for science class, so I need to drop that off before his fourth hour. (Okay, okay- some of that isn’t true, but you get the point.) Light shopping will have to wait.

So, like my husband predicted a week ago, I’ll probably buy a few lighting fixtures on line- that I will return (i.e., have him return so I don’t see people) because I hate them… after we get home from our weekend getaway.

I already know.

I need some almonds.

The End.